Parent/Teacher Interviews

Parent/Teacher Interviews: A Retrospective

As a young teacher some three decades past, the parents who attended my parent /teacher interviews were all much older than I. Often I felt quite insecure about this age differential and was more hesitant to say what I really thought.  I still felt much like a kid myself in the presence of these parents.  I tended to stay close to the ropes because I lacked experience.

After becoming a father myself for the first time, and after having taught for five years, I felt that I had come of age as a teacher. The era prior was merely my apprenticeship. At this pivotal point in my career as both teacher and parent, I straddled the line of each world. I felt that finally I had something more relevant to say as a peer and an equal drawing on my dual insights.  Over the years, I have loosely grouped parents into five categories.

The first group, and sadly a rapidly expanding one, consists of those parents who enable their children. These parents seem to operate out of a confrontational modality which seems to instinctively cause them to rise to their child’s defense no matter what the situation.  Comments such as: “She’s not like that at home.  What are you doing to her school?”

 “My son is excused from doing oral presentations.” 

 “That’s not fair.”

Parents who blindly “protect” their child also assist them in escaping any semblance of accountability and responsibility.  Such parents popularize conspiracy theory in that to them all teachers are out to get their child because there is a constant “personality issue.”  

A second group of parents, those of over achieving students (or perhaps just over-achieving parents) whose strong family values and work ethic lead them to ask me how their violin prodigies/ math genius/ school council president/honour roll student/ scholarship winning sons and daughters can improve. These parents I call the “4% factor”.  The question left hanging in the air at these parent interviews is always the same, “What about the other 4%?”  With these parents, I try to cool their jets, let them smell the coffee and/or roses and lead them to realize that by most standards a mark of 96% is actually quite good. In these cases, I lobby in the direction of allowing their kids to have a life.

The third category of parent is the “Silent or Absent Father Group.”  During these parent interviews, the mother asks all of the pertinent questions and often and quite overtly will kick her husband under the table for asking a question or even clearing his throat.  In such cases, I try not to show too much pity and try to get the father into the discussion through tentative eye contact.  In many households mother knows best and father is a silent background hum or sometimes static noise.  When I do direct a question to a silent father, often a look of temporary panic crosses his face before he can defer back to his wife who alone holds the family nurturing skills.

Most recently, I have taught ESL and discovered a whole new category or parent.  These parents are usually recent immigrants with marginal English skills.  These interviews are therefore more problematic. In a common scenario, one of my ESL students will act as the interpreter.  During these interviews I often wonder why my very short comments take so long to translate, and even more worrisome, why my longer comments are translated in just a few words.  These parents, with old world values want the best of opportunities for their children and care deeply for their academic success. Perhaps the greatest honour bestowed on me during an interview occurred when a Korean mother bowed to me after the interview and presented me with a gift. I was speechless and deeply touched. However, as I view the contrasts between parents and some of my ESL students, I conclude that the children with their I-pods, Adidas and slang are assimilating too quickly and I feel a certain sadness for the parents and what will become of their expectations. 

The “Proud Parent” group is the easiest to work with as there are no real issues of any kind to deal with, as their children are well adjusted, motivated and generally right on track.  My role is to dish out the well deserved accolades and kudos and allow the parents to savour the moment as they would a Belgian chocolate.  These interviews are short but rewarding.

The last group is the “Anonymous Parents” these are the ones that you generally need to meet most urgently but rarely ever see.  Often their kids are problematic, have learning disabilities or social/emotional problems.  One such parent actual apologized to me for being the mom of one of my students.   They are the blank spots on your parent/teacher interview schedule, the no shows who through indifference or total frustration avoid the school.

The constant in all of this is that there is no one perspective, reporting on student progress through interviews is a process briefly and partially illuminated through the teacher/parent interview which has become an educational institution in and of itself. 

After so many years, I prepare my classroom, gather my notes and clear my throat.

“So let me tell you about “little Johnny…”

Marty Rempel