A Parable of Sorts
Cats are users and manipulators while dogs, at worst, are enablers and often just don’t clean up after themselves. There I said it. There is no simple way around the truth. Let me clarify even further, just as bipolar America can be divided into Republican and Democratic factions with opposite irreconcilable ideologies, so too goes the world. The world and everyone in it is either a cat lover or a dog lover.
Naturally, the corollary of that statement is that everyone can also, and at the same time, be a cat hater or a dog hater. With the numerous permutations and combinations it gets incredibly complex and my purpose is not to confuse you. Let me put it to you as a parable.
Verily, verily I say unto you, imagine for a moment a Republican gun owner (that takes no imagination at all) who loves dogs and hunting, who while on a hunt happens upon a Democrat walking his declawed, neutered, politically correct cat early one morning. The Republican mistakes the cat and its owner for a deer, a pheasant, a hooded teenager with skittles or some other game animal or bird. It really doesn’t matter he only needs a target. He fires, multiple times with his automatic rifle, pauses, then changes clips and fires another 14 rounds. Since this happens to be in the state of Florida the shooter goes free.
The scenarios are nothing short of mind boggling. I hasten to add as a caveat that with my little parable I am in no way implying that all dogs associate with Republicans. Dogs are just not that stupid.
I know much has already been written as to why dogs are better than cats or vice versa, that argument gets nasty because then, by extension, it becomes an issue as to why cat owners are better than dog owners or vice versa. Does one type of person or animal have something divine, spiritual, or innate superiority over the other. The answer pure and simple, without bias, is a resounding, yes of course they do. Dogs and their owners are better for all of the above reasons and more. Let me explain why. I’ll start with cats.
If one were to Google “cat lovers” there are numerous sites available in which people describe with candid glee how they have been adopted by a cat. Some people refer to it as “Catitude”. In the real world it is more realistic to think of cats not as assimilated domesticated animals, a more reasonable view is cats as clandestine infiltrators of human society.
Historically, cats never allowed themselves to be domesticated. Cats are opportunistic. Cats were likely first “domesticated” at the same time wheat and barley was farmed. During Neolithic times when the Agricultural Revolution was catching on and urbanization was all the rage in new settlements such as Shillourokambos, on the island of Cyprus, rodents were attracted to the stores of grain crops. Cats followed the rodents to the new town sites as an abundant food source and put up with human co habitation as a means to an end. The point is cats snuck in because they saw and opportunity. They used charm to engratiate themselves and were even seen to have god-like qualities by the Egyptians and soon cats were the most popular mummified pet.
Dogs on the other hand were brought into the fold of human habitation because they provided us with useful services and resources. At various times and in different cultures they served mankind with guard and hunting duties, provided food and fur and served as a beast of burden. They were a useful and functional part of society and became so thousands of years before cats crept in through the back door.
Today not much has changed in terms of Man’s best friend. That phrase may be a cliche, but have you ever heard any one refer to a cat that way?
Dogs serve as seeing eye dogs for the blind and sniffer dogs for various branches of law enforcement. Dogs star in movies and many became famous such as: Rin Tin Tin, Lassie, (probably the most famous of all), The Littlest Hobo (a Canadian star), Clifford (a giant red dog), Brian (from Family Guy who drinks martinis) Goofy (beloved by all), Bolt, (has actual super powers), Snoopy (an author), Marley (a Loyal family member), Dino,( from Flintstones technically a dinosaur) and 101 Dalmatians (more than 100).
When I google “famous cats” I get hits which include unusual and uninspiring characters such as: Mr Bigglesworth (Dr Evil’s pet), Church (psycho cat from Pet Cemetery by Steven King), The Cheshire Cat ( Psychedelic drugged out cat), Garfield (hedonist). I find that there are no true super stars, such a sad litany of burnt out animated characters and has been character actors. There are no cat super heroes and if there were it would be like comparing Super girl to Superman, (see my article on gender and super heroes).
When we think of lonely and isolated members of society such as cat ladies, those sad individuals who live hermit like lives hoarding this in that in the company of scores of cats, we must be reminded there is no dog equivalent to this malady. There are no “dog ladies”. Dogs are just too well adjusted to put up with such crap. Cats are neurotic to begin with and just perpetuate mal adaptive social behavior among certain sub sets of old women in the population.
When we hear of heroic rescue stories of mountain skiers being buried in avalanches such heroics are associated with Saint Bernard's and the like. I have never seen a cat rescue anybody.
I ask you. What is the stereotypical situation in which firemen find themselves coming to rescue what out of a tree? Yes, that would be a cat. Dogs do not need to be rescued.
I rest my case. Cats are generally users within our society. They serve no useful purpose. They manipulate people with cheap tricks and antics. Purring. Really. Are you actually fooled by that?
A dog is loyal, useful, functional and can follow commands like sit, beg, role over and play dead. Cats don’t even respect authority, so they don’t follow commands. They don’t even listen.
Its not that I hate cats. I have actually owned several, eight in fact. They were all called Kitsie. Kitsie III was my favourite. True, they brought me a small measure of joy as a child, but when I think of my childhood in its broadest sense, it is really the adventures with friends and our dogs that stick in my mind. When I divorced, it was my dog Kennedy who got me through some pretty rough times. No cat would have the empathy to deal with social healing on that scale because they are users just like my ex and that’s why she got to keep the cat.
Marty Rempel
