Thursday, January 31, 2019

Men's Book club...




The Grand Trunk Mens’ Book Club

It was a quiet night for the Grand Trunk Men’s Book Club.  Only nine members gathered in the back room of the Grand Trunk bar on Queen St a location the group had selected after the nearby Walper House had renovated and closed its doors to our literary crowd.  When the new improved Walper was open for business no one, in the group except maybe, Dave, liked any of the changes.  It was modern.  We liked old and traditional.  It had chrome.  We had no choice we moved into the very traditional, cramped and aged grand Trunk back room about five years ago and contently remained there ever since.

I had been a founding father, not quite like a Father of Confederation, but a distinct honour just the same.  During the last ten years since I had left Saint Mary’s High School, retired and then signed various contracts in Kuwait, China and on a native reserve in Northern Canada, which oddly was the most foreign experience of them all, the club had grown and flourished then spread to several of the other Catholic schools in the District.

Of the last ten years of the club’s existence I missed most of the 100 books that had been studied, discussed voted on and analyzed. On this night we were on book #102,  entitled Medicine Walk by Richard Wagamese a native Canadian author now deceased.

The discussion was on...

“I don’t know if this is a racist thing to say, but I just think if a White guy wrote that part he would probably be in a lot of shit.  A native guy wrote it and its cool.  You know the part where the White guy is the mentor to the native boy.  With him it just seems to work some how and he gets away with it.”

“Other than you are a racist, I get your point, very touchy area.”

General laughter,  but the the good natured talk goes on, members bait, prod and provoke, always in good fun.

“You know it was like this was a different guy, a different author  who wrote this book compared to his last one...what was it called,  Indian Horse.  This one was sensitive, insightful, loved the characters.  They were real, everything was believable. Indian Horse was wooden by comparison, lacked depth, don’t know what Clint Eastwood saw in it to make it into a movie.”

“Fucking good writing, is what.  Stick to what you know. Great movie! Indian Horse was a 10 and you know it, anyway continue...dip-shit”

“Yeah, well the whole deal about the drinking.  I’m from an Irish background and drinking has been in the family and I get the issues. The black demon. Its not just a native thing or curse or whatever you want to call it.  They don’t have a monopoly on this but I can relate and that’s what makes this so real for me that whole Irish bullshit legacy.”

“I’m from a Catholic Irish background too.  I get it.”

“I’m just glad he didn’t get into the whole residential school topic again as in the last book.  It’s been done. I get it... like reading another holocaust novel. I’m at the saturation point with all of that stuff, not a stereo type exactly but you can only read so much on a topic and then you are at that point, of no return of been there done that and enough is enough.  At least, you know, in Medicine Walk we avoid all that extra pain and there’s more of a spiritual component let’s say, a little more uplifting from his last book.  If I had to read one more residential school story I think, well I wasn’t going to read the damn book.”

“Better than a graphic novel.”

“You ever read the books?”

“Can we talk about brewing beer now?”

“Marco, you know it’s just not always about you, let’s move on and vote.”

Terry our moderator for the evening has summarily and seemingly randomly changed a rule of order.  We like tradition and usually go round table in a clockwise fashion in both discussion and voting protocol.  Some nights if we feel wild and crazy we may go in a counter-clockwise direction.

I think in this way we make sure everyone gets a turn because as the evening progresses and members drink more not only does the animation and volume of discussion increase so does the satire, joking, fervolity, jives, verbal jousting and general kidding around.  In such an environment it would be too easy to have someone fall off the bus so to speak and miss a turn.

This night Terry let us go with our comments in seemly random order.  He encouraged chaos out of order.  I formulated he was edging for a coup as he liked the power of moderator far too much.  I first suspected Terry when he brought in his fancy technology.  A speaker, in a red box, which attached to his Smart Phone and it wasn’t an Apple, another deviate behaviour.  Of course there was Andy still with a flip phone and Marco carried, with pride, an old Blackberry.  He said he still liked the BBM feature, or so he said.

Finally I had to ask, “Terry, what’s the fancy speaker system for?

“We have a special recording from our fearless leader, who couldn’t be here this evening because of a double booking error.  He has his review of tonight’s book.”

‘Maybe we should just vote on his future membership, whether it’s in jeopardy or not.  What he’s missed at least three meetings in the last ten years.”

Terry fixed the small speaker to the back of his cell and began playing the review from our absent moderator.

“This isn’t even Skype, how lame is that, no interaction.”

“Hey Andy, is that really you.  Can you repeat that last part.”

The recording played on everyone insisting it was Skype and asking questions his recording couldn’t respond to.

“I liked the characterization and the unique plot line including especially the actually Medicine Walk and give this book a rating of 10.”

Several shouts from the chorus.  “Andy you can’t rate it first, you blew protocol.”




Just then the young server, with the dragon tattoo, stepped into the room to take our beer orders and all discussion stopped...





Explaining Halloween in China...






A story I wrote in china to explain Halloween to my lower elementary students...

A Halloween Scare

Halloween is a dark and scary time of year when young boys and girls in Canada go from house to house knocking on doors and asking for candy.

“Trick or Treat,” they shout out when someone comes to the door. And then people give out candy treats and money and tell the children how wonderful their costumes look.

But one Halloween three friends: Jason, Rambo, and Dean were dressed as a vampire, a ghost and a Kung Fu fighter.  They carried large pillow cases which by the end of the night they hoped to have full of candy and money.

They had a plan.

The problem was that these three boys thought they knew a better way to get candy and money on Halloween night.  As the boys walked the streets they saw many other children in costumes.

There were slimy green aliens,
hideous monsters,
soldiers with  just one arm,
beautiful princesses,
glorious kings,
a zebra and a giraffe,
mummies with long bandages,
vampires with blood flowing from their mouths
and many other frightening creatures of the dark.

Halloween was a dark and spooky night!

In front of one haunted house there were large spiders, and a zombie rising from the dead. He looked like Michael Jackson.

As they approached another house children in their costumes shouted, “Trick or Treat.”  The man at the door put candy and money into each of their bags and said, “Happy Halloween.”

The children said, “Thank you.”  They turned and excitedly ran for the next house to get more candy.  But before they got to the next house Jason, Rambo and Dean jumped out from behind a large tree and screamed, “TRICK!”

The little children cried as the boys grabbed their bags of candy and ran laughing down the street.  The three boys stole candy and money from little children on every street until they had so much candy and money they could hardly carry it.

As good fortune would have it the Halloween magic fairy was flying near by doing her rounds when she heard the crying of little children on every street.  She stopped and asked, “What’s the matter?  Why are you crying?”

“A vampire, a ghost and a Kung Fu fighter stole all of our candy and ran away and now we have nothing.”

Like any good fairy worth her fairy dust, this got the Halloween fairy very upset.  Magic dust was flying everywhere as she flew off in haste to find the vampire, the ghost and the kung fu fighter.  They had to be taught a lesson.

Flying high through the trees she could hear laughter and saw Jason, Rambo and Dean  below eating candy and throwing the candy wrappers right on the ground.  Not only did the boys steal and make children cry,  they littered too.

This was too much for the Halloween fairy.  She rapidly waved her magic wand over the bad boys. A bright light flashed and more fairy dust flew all over the boys as she chanted and cast a magic spell upon them.

“no more candy
or money
will you take
your punishment
to ever remain
a vampire,
a ghost,
a Kung fu fighter
until all the candy
you took is returned”

With a big puff, flash, bing, bang, boom...

The fairy was gone.

The boys looked at each other, covered in fairy dust.  They were not laughing now.  In fact they got really, really scared because they found out that they could not take off their costumes.

Their costumes were no longer costumes.  They were real.

Jason screamed, “Guys I think I am a vampire. This is real blood.”

Rambo start crying, “I’m really a ghost. I can see right through my hand.”

Dean, yelled, “I can’t take off my mask, it’s my real face.”


The boys were scared.  The bullies started to cry.

They stood together and looked at each other.  Finally, Dean said, “I know what we have to do.”

Rambo said we have to give all this candy back. Jason agreed.

and so still covered with magic fairy dust they moved like a flash through the neighborhood until all the candy had been returned,  by the time they got home the spell had lifted.

They were no longer a vampire, a ghost and a kong fu fighter.  they were just three little boys who had learned their halloween lesson.

the end














 

Laser Pointers in the classroom...




An Atonement Story: Why My Own Children Are Not Teachers




In atonement, I express my sins to “ALL USERS.”  Last Thursday (Dec 13) contrary to the spirit of the season I did (and do solemnly swear) call a grade nine male student an “Asshole.”  Now I fully realize, as a veteran teacher, this being my 31st year either at the helm or in the breach; I should not call a student an “asshole.”

I make no excuse for this temporary breach in professional conduct, even if I respectfully submit that the student was not an actual “asshole” but merely at that time acted like one.  On the day in question I was beginning the class with a Trivial Pursuit type game on Canadian Geography that I had recently purchased at the Scholastic store while Christmas shopping the previous week end.  I bought the game at the same time I picked up some of those strips of positive award stickers to put on the papers of the mediocre to the exemplary.  Words like “Making Progress,” “WOW,” “Nice work,” “Good Job,” and “Excellent.”  I do not recall that asshole was on the list of stickers.

On the day in question or on a questionable day, I had my back to the class jabbering on in front of my favourite physical map of Canada, pointing out some obscure and likely meaningless detail related to the trivia game we were playing; when wonder of wonders a little red laser light began to wildly dart across Saskatchewan leaping into the tundra, and then plummeted down through the Canadian Shields, first to the east coast, over Hibernia and then crossed the back of my skull, I presume, and was last sighted in the Purcell Range of the interior of BC.

Calmly, at that point, I asked whoever had the annoying little light  kindly put it away and that’s precisely when the light, went out over the BC coast.  I slowly turned around to give the culprit lots of lead time to get the hint and put away the offensive weapon of retinal destruction. Behold there was no such weapon as I turned to face the class.  I felt like I was in Iraq.

I do recall I felt a combination of thoughts and emotions ranging from humiliation to disappointment, to” I wonder who that little asshole was?”  I was about to find out.

Later, I had students reading portions of a handout aloud to the class.  I too was gazing down at my page as a ripple of giggles spread across the class, as if the emperor was parading the streets without his cloths, causing me to look up and see what appeared like the flickering sight from a sniper’s rifle dancing across the face of one of my students.  Immediately I thought there was an assassination attempt a foot and was about to go into lock down mode when to the left (my left, your right) I viewed student “x” (because of the young offensive act I can not reveal Jason’s name) waving a laser pointer in his hand.  I asked him to hand me the pointer, and for some reason he was reluctant to give it to me.  It may have been the crazed look in my eyes as he sensed death, his, was likely and very close at hand.

I had come across this type of situation in a previous high school and naturally just happened to have the FDA report on my desk. “The light energy that laser pointers can aim into the eye can be more damaging than staring directly into the sun.  Federal law requires a warning on the product label about the potential hazard to the eyes.”  I read on with rapt interest…”Momentary exposure from a laser pointer, such as might occur from an inadvertent (or purposeful) sweep of the light across a person’s eyes, causes only temporary flash blindness.  However, even this can be dangerous if the exposed person is engaged in a vision-critical activity such as driving a car or teaching.”  I added the teaching part, but to you get the significance of this and why I was prompted to call this young boy, in the formative stages of his learning curve, an asshole.

Which I did, call him an asshole that is, when Ryan (not his real name) finally approached the front of the room I pointed out the dangers of his actions.  I added words like retinal damage, laser light and asshole to his vocabulary.  When I proceeded to tell him more about the marvels of blindness and high intensity light, that like strobe lights can induce migraines,  Jason began walking away, as I had actually directed him to the office, and as he walked away he started to swear at me.

The migraine started just shortly after the laser/asshole/swearing incident with Jesse (still not his real name).  I can’t really say if the headache came from the stress of the day, after having a wonderful lesson ruined by some little asshole.  Did I mention I actually called him that, an asshole, I mean.  Or, did the headache which caused me to stay home the next day simply come from the dancing laser light in front of my eyes.

On Monday, after a three day week end and, I thought, fully recovered from the laser fiasco, I returned to school singing loudly to a Bruce Springstein song, “Glory Days,” only to find that students had again invaded the staff parking lot and some asshole had taken my parking spot.




marty

Annoying gift cards




Getting Back to Basics

Gift Cards...a pain in the ass...


You should never look a gift horse in the mouth, not that I exactly know what that means  because I really want to say that I don’t like gift cards.  I have received them in the past for birthdays and thank you’s and so on and they have been appreciated, but they can also be annoying, a waste and very profitable for the companies who put them out.  I think the profit margin is enhanced by the very certainty that many of the cards will never be redeemed because they will be lost, damaged, stolen, become outdated, or simply teleported to another dimension.

I once received a $100 gift card from my real estate agent after he sold us our present house.  It was a very generous thank you which I appreciated very much.  I kept the card in my wallet for a year and during that time carried it through hot dusty, polluted, humid China and many parts of South East Asia as part of the aging process until through constant friction I wore off all numerical identification marks from the face of the card rendering it useless and therefore of no value.  When I finally went to redeem the card for a wonderful dinner at the Galt Inn. The waitress returned the aging but non-biodegradable card to me saying she was unable to scan the numbers on the card.  I would have to pay for my meal with other means, possibly cash.

Whose fault, well mine of course for hanging on to the damn thing for so long.  But if I had a gift certificate, or cash I think the illegible numbers would be a moot point.  Is this a devious planned obsolescence plot of global proportions.  No, but it is annoying and a waste of good money.  I guess what really bothers me as that despite the fact these cards when received represent good intent, best wishes and have a generally positive tone and increase your quality of life, they are on the other hand relatively impersonal to a degree as well.  What they make up in portability, mobility, transferability and redeem-ability they lack in the personal touch.  Although I suppose getting a card for Home Depot versus Victoria Secret does say much about the giver and the receiver and the relationship they might share.

My wife recently received the “Perfect Gift” so called from VISA.  A $50 gift card which takes a $4.95 activation fee, what is that 10% off the top to begin with.  I can begin to see why they called it the “Perfect Gift”.  She tried to redeem it at a beauty spa where she was getting a facial, pedicure and whatever else one does in a spa location for relaxation and self beautification.  At the end of her luxuriating she quickly lost her zen glow and tranquility when she went to pay with her “Perfect Gift” card.

 Apparently she could only redeem a portion of the bill.  Later, when I  contacted the VIsa personnel in Mumbai on her behalf for an explanation, I was told that if I go on line, to the VISA web site, it would all  be clearly explained, or if I read the fact info sheet that came with the card it succinctly explained the limitation, combinations and permutations, time zones and countries in which the card could be used. It was written on tissue thin paper using a 3 point font rendering it almost impossible to handle without the paper degrading to the touch and equally impossible to read without aid of external magnification devices.

I asked the young man on the other end of my Smart Phone who spoke in a thick Indian accent to quickly indicate to me out of the 100 or so bullet points on the micro thin fact sheet which one actually applied to my wife’s spa purchasing experience.  I waited a good ten seconds for a reasonable response which felt much longer before I told my “handler”  that, “How dare you and tour company expect my wife to know the limitations of her perfect gift card when you the so called expert on the info line in a distant foreign land after an appropriate amount of time and after your training period can not answer the same questions.  You hypocrite.”  It rolled off my lips very easily at that point.

“How do you then expect my wife to know that her card will not cover her purchases and that she will then be left embarrassed and humiliated at the cashier lacking the immediate resources to pay for her day at the spa because her so called “Perfect Gift” fell so far short of perfection that it was a useless piece of marketing plastic.”  I had to breathe. I was on a roll but upon further reflection...

I just think there are too many cards and passwords in our society as it is, and to admit this whole genre of gift cards into the mix on top of all of the existing reward cards and customer loyalty cards, the multitude of credit and debit cards from various institutions my wallet looks more like a recycle bin.

If only we could just have a system whereby companies offered the best price with competence and service therefore competition would not be based on a loyalty system of plastic cards and points with passwords we all forget and confuse.  If we gave gifts in actual boxes that took up volume instead of giving plastic cards in a cashless society we all might be a little more content going back to basics.

Tuesday, January 29, 2019

The Future Today






The Future Today

impossible expectations
fantasies
beliefs
inverted gravity
an invitation to the
future
surreal becomes
real
it’s all fake news
your privacy is
for sale
or just up for grabs
on Instagram.



Monday, January 28, 2019

School Uniforms at St Mary's Kitchener







Uniformity versus Individualism

Supervision and Uniforms at St Mary’s High School, Kitchener

The population of my school is about 2200 students with a staff of about 200. I think by most standards that qualifies as large.  During my first year there I made the mistake of wearing a white T-shirt with dark navy pants to class.  I immediately had the feeling that I had gone under cover among the masses as I was essentially in a version of the school uniform. I never made that mistake again.

Although I have never attended a school that required me to wear a uniform, I think on that one day I wore white and navy I had a sense of what it was like. I felt as if I had lost an element of my individuality, definitely my teacher identity was gone, as I become one with the student body, if only briefly.

As a teacher I must also enforce the uniform dress code which is much easier said than done.  The reality of the situation is that the wearing of uniforms is really about the ongoing and universal conflict of individuality and personal rights versus conformity and standardization. Enforcement of a dress code is problematic at best especially in such  a large school already fraught with numerous disciplinary issues.

For every standard in the dress code students can find a dozen ways around it, or to adapt the rule to their will.  In fact students adapt rules like flu viruses mutate.  The “How to Wear “section of the agenda book provided to each student states things like: “in a neat tidy fashion, not excessively long, only two buttons undone, plain white T-shirts with no markings, shirts tucked in, pants at waist level, shorts no more than 12 cm above the knees, ties must be worn in the conventional manner, dress shoes, running shoes or sandals.”  The combination and permutations evolve from this starter list of dress recommendations.

Boys, for example, can wear either a white T-shirt or a white shirt.  T-shirts do not have to be tucked in, but the shirts do.  Therefore it is possible to wear an extra long hip hop style T-shirt under a shirt that is loosely tucked in at the belt.  Then of course there are the inevitable low slung baggy pants, still very navy and technically in uniform.  The ensemble is complete with running shoes with laces undone.  Between classes some choose to accessorize with ball caps. Next gold chains and bracelets appear for the seven minute excursion between classes.  Briefly the students score on the side of individualism.

While on cafeteria duty I see a senior student approach with shirt out.  I prepare.  I get eye contact and point to the offending shirt.  He does a quick fake, temporarily going for the shirt tail he pivots around me, picks up speed and is gone into the crowd.  I could pursue but there are twenty other young violators in easy range, my dance card is full.

After lunch, back in my classroom, I begin the pre-class routine.  “David sweat shirt off, Laura that pink lacy thing is not uniform, Kyle, chain under your shirt,” and that’s only what I can see from the waist up.  I’m tired and I haven’t even started teaching yet.

I saw the irony off the uniform issue when we once had “Civvies Days” during which time students were allowed to wear their individually chosen street clothes.  Peer pressure being what it is among adolescents, they may as well have been in uniform.  In fact I’d say they were, uniforms that they had chosen for themselves. On those days you would hear me say, “David, what does that actually say on your T-shirt?...and the beat goes on.  Students, by virtue of their conformity, have created their own uniforms and they don’t even know it yet.

Will uniforms make for better schools, improve learning, create safer schools, or at least an illusion of safety, I really don’t  know.  My own choice, having once taught in a private school (my bias) is to see students appear professional in sharp uniforms which would, at least in a perfect world, represent their pride in self and school.  I believe individuality in our society is currently very over-rated.





Monday, January 21, 2019

The Mystery and Enigma of the Purse







The Mystery and Enigma of the Purse

Modern women’s purses are a thing of mystery and marvel.  They can never be fully understood from the male perspective as they are simply a foreign item of exotic wonder like the Holy Grail.  Although purses, as objects, can be viewed on many levels and layers I truly doubt if they can ever be appreciated and comprehended by a mere mortal man who views the world with his limited man eyes.

 Are purses pure utilitarian or pure art form, or some symbiotic blend of both. For most men they are a taboo to be shunned.  No man in his right mind would be caught, even in a chivalrous moment, holding his wife’s/girl friend’s purse in a public place.  Nor would a man ever dare to retrieve an item from same purse.  The fear is like placing a naked vulnerable hand into a bat cave or a snake pit, fraught with evil and peril.  The social stigmas and risks to manhood are simply too great to calculate or quantify in any meaningful way.

Like any product in the fashion world there are various levels of quality.  Purses in their purest form, like women’s shoes, a separate but related topic, are, or at least should be viewed as art.

On a rare trip to New York my wife and I wandered into several high end boutiques on Fifth Ave looking at everything from shoes, to watches, designer dresses and purses.  My first observation was that it doesn’t matter how rich or poor men are, or whether they are shopping in WalMart or Louis Vuitton none of them really want to be there.  Men as tag-along shoppers are all bored to distraction. There is a common bond between men of all socio-economic strands. I was pleased to discover that being relatively broke or crazy wealthy, neither of which brings any joy to the shopping experience.

Men follow women into these shops like obsolete and sullen hunter gatherers occasionally giving token advice while scouting the landscape for a comfortable place to sit. I have actually heard husbands, totally off their game, saying absurd things like, ‘Yes, dear that purse is slimming.  It definitely doesn’t make you look fat.”

The wife mutters with venomous contempt and disgust, as she walks away, “Idiot, it’s a purse! not a sports bra you moron.”

Any high end store worth its salt uses floor space as if it has no value.  A designer purse is displayed as a one of a kind museum artifact.  Like gourmet food the affect is all in the presentation.  Space abounds.  There are few shoppers in the store the well dressed clerks are bored, yet incredibly condescending, especially if they sense you are not a buyer.

By contrast a WalMart, or any low end retail outlet, will fill ever square foot of display space, to the point it impedes forward motion, then there are additional displays for impulse purchases near the many cash-out tills.  The stores are often crowded the shopping pace is onerous.  It is no longer a gourmet diet this is strictly a fast food regime.  The clerks are not to be found because they are over worked and yet still incredibly rude whether you buy or don’t buy.

I confess to buying jackets when I have any urge to shop.  Why I don’t know. I certainly don’t need any more jackets.  I guess I like variety and see it more like a collection then a need.  So as I watch my wife as she buys yet another purse to replace what looks to me like an identical purse, I say nothing.  Muteness is a survival skill in the world of shopping and purses.

I may have a dozen jackets.  I feel mildly guilty.  I believe, based on sightings in my wife’s closets and from other random sightings, general readings from out dated fashion magazines, idle gossip, and other dubious social media sources, I would wildly estimate that most women have three times the number of purses as I have jackets and that would be a conservative estimate.  Why the need or want for so many purses?

What goes into a purse must be the unasked universal question.  I would hypothesize that there are different purses for different seasons, moods, jobs, colour co-ordinates, functions and whims.  I have seen everything from a tiny clutch purse designed to hold an evenings worth of make-up and easily held in one hand to large voluminous leather sacks in which one could bury their dead.  Purses literally come in all shapes and sizes and for all purposes.  But fun fact did you know the first purses were for men!

Ironic that the first purses, (pre-1700’s), were male accessories and not female.  In fact the age of purses for men can be broken down into two distinct eras: the pre and post pocket.

A man with no pockets had an obvious need to carry the typical articles of the day such as coins of the realm, alms, and other miscellaneous relics.  These purses were usually made of leather, often had numerous secret compartments and were characteristically  worn on the belt like the sporran from the Scottish Highlands. It was both utilitarian and a symbol of  both wealth and status.



After the radical invention of pockets for men the purse was forced into an evolutionary process in order to hold larger items such as books, documents, letters and eventually lap tops for modern metro men.  From that came the briefcase and some sort of reverse de-evolutionary-spin-off event gave us the fanny pack and subsequently this evolutionary branch of men’s purses seems to have gone stagnant.  There is no life after death.



However, on a more verdant plane the future of women’s purses began to soar at about the same time men got their pockets.  Call it coincidence.  I just don’t know.

But. I’m getting ahead of myself.  Let’s flash back a tad.  When men dangled purses from their belts, mainly in aristocratic circles, women did the same.  Theirs were not leather made, rather cheaper cloth versions fastened to the waist with a decorative clasp and chain.  Dangling from the purse, like a modern day janitor’s set of keys, would be an array of domestic utilitarian utensils like scissors, sewing tools and sure more keys. Such purses, called Chatelaines, were considered like jewelry and also a show of wealth and status.

Fast forward to the late 1700 and 1800’s purses became, dare I say, more feminine, smaller, lighter, fastened by draw strings and often embroidered for a personalized touch.  In England they were termed Indispensables due to the content they carried while in France they were called Reticules.  At that time no man alive new what was inside either an Indispensable or a Reticule and no man dared to find out.





Back to men getting their pockets and the Industrial Revolution.  The world in the mid 1840’s was still a man’s world and so perhaps it was no wonder that a man had the opportunity because of typical glass ceilings, gender bias and all the rest and the # movement in its infancy, that a man made the next major break through in purse design and technology.

Yorkshire entrepreneur Samuel Parkinson, of butterscotch confectionary fame and wealth, had the brilliant insight that while traveling, he realized that his wife lacked the necessary means to carry her, well, everything needed for travel.  He commissioned H.J. Cave and Sons to manufacture, according to his suggestions, a range of carrying cases, trunks and travel bags for his dear wife Mrs Parkinson.  Included in the array of carry-alls was the first designer purse.  She was the first to have one.






Guess who took note of this new line of product from Cave and Son, no other than Louis Vuitton (1857) and a very young up start by the name of Guccio Gucci.  There was no turning back!

Although men never knew the contents of purses of the 1800’s we are now gaining some of the preliminary insights of what is now inside a woman’s purse in the modern era.

My own daughter, for example, recently revealed that in her purse, and I have no idea of the volume of purse we are talking about in this example, but I do trust her on the contents which include: a wallet, coins of various denominations, McDonald’s coffee coupons, discount cards, car keys, earphones, planner (quite large).  It has a special place in her heart and therefore her purse...lip balm, tooth brush, tooth paste, dental floss, nasal saline spray, decongestant inhaler, five varieties of essential oilers (obviously important and used to treat various common ailments), Tylenol, Advil, pen, lotion (hand), sanitizer (hand), diaper, wipes and trip specific items.  How this compares to earlier contents of a Chatelaine, Reticule or an Indispensable is only open to speculation

I do know when given permission to get something from my wife’s purse even with instructions like, “Could you hand me my cell phone?”

“Sure where is it,” I answer with I slight tremor in my voice.

“Oh, it’s in the floppy green suede shoulder purse, in the small inside pocket on the right side, of the big pocket, under the flap about a foot and half down on the left side.”

Unless I actually dial her number and listen for the muffled, buried, distinctive ring tone would I have any chance of actually finding her cell phone.

Once during a similar exercise I did pull out a soft black banana, an assortment of almonds and two pairs of sunglasses, her old Blackberry, a pair of mini socks (not a match), some hard candies from a restaurant, a lighter (she doesn’t smoke), a thermos with a collapsable coffee mug, house keys from a house we owned two previous to the one we now live in, a dog collar, (we don’t have pets), several grocery lists and what looked like a partridge in a pear tree.





Wednesday, January 9, 2019

sacraments




sacraments

as children we drank powdered milk
with our baloney sandwiches
while father slurped coffee from a saucer
at Christmas he cut micro pieces of halvah
and we drank from small fruit glasses
our rationed coca cola
like a sacrament
we were neither poor nor middle class
happy nor sad
until I ate at a friend’s home
did I even know to want more.

golden lab





stealth

by morning
if I stirred in my single bed
my golden lab, at ninety pounds,
would pounce on my chest
in utter joy,

i woke with stealth

Eagle's Descent




Descent


The eagle swooped from the east
clutching claws extended
like a jumbo jet
descending for touch down
instead a  ‘touch and go ‘
scooping a struggling salmon,
silver ride to the sky
arched and rapidly disappearing
into the sun salty, cold drops
fell across my brow.

m.r.

perspective




Perspective

I remember the man who sat for months
trapped in an electric wheelchair
still looking straight ahead out the window
at the ceaseless weeping willows, naked and
unleafed, by the distant cold creek bed.

Straight out and past the big screen TV
mounted hinged in the corner
with the fishing channel stirring memories
of past glories dead limbs would never
again experience

He was still and steadfast as the large
window itself,
His brow was knit like the creased Afghan
that crossed his still legs
He never lamented once and did not carry
an ounce of emotional weight about the
future or his condition.

Seeing him in the sling that moved him
like a helpless baby from bed to wheelchair
and back,
as he laboriously fed, or barely twitched
a thumb as finally his ashes were placed
in a tiny hole, that was my solemn education.

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Introduction to Literature




A Lack of Introduction

The room was alive.
So many characters moving, interaction
some in the main plot, some in supporting parts,
antagonists and protagonists,
conflict and co-operation
anguish and defeat
love and mercy,
lives worth living
stories worth telling...

There was the young diver who found
the mythical pearl in hopes of saving his child
bitten by the scorpion, defeated by greed.

The Old Man who after months of failure
proved his value to himself and the young boy who
worshipped him.

There was the class of bullies on Venus who hadn’t seen
the sun in seven years, or the young boy who saw
his father go off to war never to return, or
the odd situation of the man who went mad with happiness.

The room was alive with characters, romance, saga and parable,
but those students too busy to see past their devices
were never introduced.