Educational demands of over achieving parents...

The Six Percent Factor Versus An Educational Time/Space Continuum

I did not schedule parent/teacher interviews at the end of semester two for all of the parents this year because I felt that it was totally unnecessary.  My reason had to due with what I term the 6% factor.  My experience with many over-achieving parents of over-achieving students always led down the same rabbit hole. In such interviews the mother, never the father, invariable asks of me: How can my son/daughter do better? 

I feign a cough, avert my eyes, enabling me to roll them and say, “But your son did score a 94% average in all his academic subjects this semester.”  

“By every measure that we hold holy in the Commonwealth and the entire Dominion of Canada that is actually considered by most to be an excellent grade.”

“Yes, the mother says with some degree of patience in her voice, “But what happened to the other 6% of his mark?”

You see the 6% factor.

The corollary of the Six percent factor is in fact any percentage mark between 90 and 99.

I mildly grind my teeth and tense my muscles since I have gone through this particular drill many times before and I have already, in my mind, raced ahead of the interview and am thinking, “Holy mother of Jesus is she not listening, or does she just want to wring every last ounce of individualism, joy, free time and spirit out of this poor kid?”  I sadly peer into the distance across the gym teaming with dozens of parents on a quest for information, then start to shake my head.

Instead, I smile and say, “What does Joe/Jane (let’s keep this generic) do for fun after school?  Is he/she on any teams?”

The mother is likely thinking at this point, as she too has probably gone through this  fruitless socratic process with teachers many times before at other times, in other schools, “Holy father is this man dense...is this not a simple straight forward question, not some mystic enigma.”  She looks sideways, across the gym floor, into the misty distance and gives a gentle, polite cough.

We share a moment of quiet across the desk and stare at each other for a brief moment in time as we sense each has an on-going conflicting inner monologue.

If I wore a tie I would now straighten it.  I do sit straight, impeccable posture lends credibility.  I endeavour to explain to the mother that the so called missing marks are for all practical purposes located in a matrix called the holistic ether in what educators term the vague, but otherwise nebulous place that can only be reached by clicking your pedagogical heals three times thereby expanding the soul outward in widening spirals in a quest for knowledge and insight often away from the  confines of the core curriculum and in the ultimate quest of becoming a diverse student, and only then will the glory and radiance of the missing 6% show itself and shine down and bless your child with ultimate perfection and insight, or you know words to that effect.  

It is best to think of your child as an unfolding hyperbola which is always approaching yet never reaching the point where ying intersects yang, or in spiritual terms, the nirvanic bliss of perfection.  I say this with a straight face.  I do not smile.  This is after all a Catholic school, so I make the sign of the cross.  The mother goes away perplexed yet hopeful not knowing if her quest has been completed.

So, you can see I did not schedule interviews with the parents of 246 students simply to avoid this type of no win situation, in which over zealous parents force the limits of diminishing returns and hope to achieve perfection in their children.  When, as I see their children have by every measure succeeded in academic terms and now need space and some free time, which is part of the educational time/space continuum.

To me it is like smuggling tea from Hong Kong to Shanghai.  You can do it, but why bother.  High achieving Canadian parents, often seem unable to receive kudos for their children or their children’s teachers and always demand more.  There is often too much pressure on kids to perform to these unrealistic standards.  These students tend to lose their childhood in the process along with the joy of learning.

Instead I met with the parents of the few students who were actually struggling, or actually failing a course.  I thought I could help them.  I thought my time and theirs would be better spent.