Living in China

“Wow, you live in China?”

I have often been asked, “You live in China, wow, how do you like it?”  This of course is a very open ended question and the response therefore varies like atmospheric pressure with the approach of a front, warm or cold.  I am not a negative person.  In fact I think I have been exposed to a myriad of cultural and geographic experience by this point in my life that I can give a fairly insightful and succinct answer to the question. Its just my preambles that seem to drag on forever, now why is that I wonder.  It is a rhetorical question which needs to be addressed.  Is it simply a cultural normative and quantifiable feature of my writing, or simply a failure to launch?  

I usual begin by stating, “You know I really like the Chinese...but then there is something that causes me to elaborate.  I can’t just leave it alone.  I have to qualify and add another level of complexity, insight or confusion...so I say, “But not in a crowd and my God there are 1.3 billion of them”. Of course then intuitively that statement by its very nature implies that I hate all Chinese because there are so many of them, they must perpetually be in crowds, therefore I hate them.  Don’t judge me...put those stones down and just listen.  

And by this point I start to look like a racist, but I’m really not.  I do like these little people. I just wish they could learn to form a line. I mean really is that asking too much just one straight damn fucking line. Okay, that sounds negative and that may just be the teacher in me.  I have been at it for three and a half decades and still have a slightly obsessive compulsive need for order and precision in my environment, but not necessarily in my personal life.  I still am not capable of filing my papers and usually stack them in piles, but since paper files are now obsolete I am equally useless at organizing computer files. 

But as for the Chinese why do they have to push shove, elbow and high stick their way through a crowd at every opportunity.  Why are they so rude!!  Okay there I said it and I’m sorry, but maybe it needs to be said.  Perhaps, since there are so many of them it has become a natural and instinctual process for survival. There is no common good.  There is no greater good.  In this socialist state there only seems to be the“me” which is a totally ironic statement.

According to Dr Suess, in a statement which I fully endorse, they (Chinese) will push you in a room, in a hall, in a park, in a bar, in a doctor’s office, in a cafeteria. They will push you in a class, in an office, in a store, at Starbucks, or where ever two or more are gathered in His name.  Coming off or on a train they will push in front, run their suitcase over your toes, trample you in order to get on a plane as if it is going to fly without them. They will not say “excuse me” in any language, in fact I’m not certain if those symbols even exist in Mandarin or in any of its dialects.  

The crowding and pushing of which they are so familiar also applies to driving. The rule of the road is that whoever arrives first, or has the biggest vehicle has the right of way.  Pedestrian walkways even though clearly marked on roadways are mere decorative geometric patterns that do not inspire or translate into any meaningful behaviour patterns that in any way would allow an individual to safely cross a street.

“Wow, you live in China.  How do you like it?”  

“Fine, just don’t put me in a crowd, in a car, store, elevator, near or on a cross walk or in any social or group situation that requires queuing.”    

Marty Rempel lives a sheltered, isolated and cloistered life in his Chinese apartment and has not been seen  by his friends, neighbours, staff or associates in public places in the last 73 days.