‘Tis the Season and Christmas Paranoia
It is now November and the stores have for many weeks now been decorated with Christmas paraphernalia while pumping out Bing Crosby’s White Christmas and other Christmas tunes. I’m hoping beyond hope that Justin Bieber is not at the stage in his career in which he has released a Christmas album yet. Just as I resent seeing school supplies on store shelves in July, or Halloween candies stocked in early September generally I do not recognize Christmas, or the range of preparations necessary to gear up for this annual festive extravaganza until November 31st at midnight at the earliest.
Nor do I truly recognize that December 25th is the actually birth date of our christ and savior, but likely a convenient residual date grandfathered in from pagan days to make sure all the lost tribes had the correct number of statutory holidays. In order not to put a negative spin on this wonderful family time during which dysfunctional families from across the continent are brought together in order to sip eggnog and share family memories before an electric fireplace where all of the stockings have been hung with care, and despite my statements, I personally think Christmas is an up-lifting time which explains why I was out on a balmy plus 12 celsius the other night watching the Santa Claus parade in downtown W_________ .
Actually, I was curious would they role out yet another fake shopping mall Santa or would the real one finally make an appearance. Cheryl was in the parade this year marching along side the Zonta float which was decked out in celebratory seasonal orange. Everyone was wearing orange scarves or sweaters, even the Jeep Cherokee that pulled their trailer was orange as this was the colour selected by the United Nations to symbolize the fight for women’s rights in under developed countries around the world, a cause progressed by the Zonta organization.
After getting a coffee at Tim’s Cheryl walked over to the fair grounds a short distance away which served as the marshaling area for the myriad of floats. I on the other hand went to Home Depot, also decorated in orange, and bought some painting supplies. I then parked near the end of the parade route at Urban Burger where I would rendezvous with Cheryl at parade’s end. By the time I assumed my position street-side families had gathered in great anticipation for Santa and the beginning of the parade. They were there with lawn chairs, blankets, strollers and drinking free hot chocolate from the enterprising shop owners who were allowed to stay open late this night to capitalize on the warm good cheer and spending power of the gathered throngs.
Cheryl texted informing me that the parade was late.
“Not out of the fair grounds yet.”
I got comfortable with visions of sugar plums dancing in my head.
I woke from my reverie, as the parade arrived I could hear police sirens
I texted back..
“Good thing you got the coffee. There are lots and lots of people along the route so don’t forget to use the royal wave just like we practiced.”
I decided to get in the Christmas spirit and give Cheryl, located at the very end of the parade a play by play of the parade as it proceeded by my vantage point. I texted back in rapid succession as the parade proceeded passed me. The following is my narration to the best of my ability and memory as I witnessed the Santa Claus parade. I swear my hallucinations are real...
“So is the real Santa there this year or some mall impostor?”
“The police are at the front of the parade. It appears they are using billy sticks and pepper spray to make sure Santa can get through to all the patiently waiting boys and girls.”
...
“Wow, with the the tear gas spreading over the crowd its beginning to look a lot like Christmas!”
...
“I can hear bagpipes in the distance, so I think reinforcements are closing in...this is turning out to be a Christmas like no other. I’ll keep you posted from my vantage point.”
...
“Are you safe?”
...
“The crowd is beginning to clap they may be finding some perverse pleasure in this mayhem or its a way to taunt the police with passive aggressive behaviour.”
...
“I may have to seek the high ground or find shelter in Urban Burger.”
...
“Really bad turn of events, numerous army vehicles are now moving down the street, but wait I think they are ours...”
“There’s a post office truck followed by the mayor in a convertible. I think he may be on crack.”
...
“Its very confusing there are many emergency vehicles, fire trucks and ambulances. There must be many casualties further up the parade route. I fear the worst.”
...
“Is this really a tradition?”
...
“Another emergency medical services vehicle with Christmas lights on the roof. I’m getting mixed messages here. What can this really mean?”
...
“Its followed by a hook and ladder truck moving so slowly it couldn’t possibly help either side. This battle lacks decisive organization.”
...
“I fear only Zonta or a super hero in orange leotards can save us now.”
...
“This is so random a float advertises our sister city in Sylvania. Isn’t that a light bulb?”
...
“We are doomed there is a marching quasi military group armed only with wooden rifles, swords and musical instruments.”
...
“Our MPP has now arrived, a bad sign, maybe order will be restored or ratch this up to a new political level and cite that the violence is for the greater good and eventually establish democracy when oil prices stabilize.”
...
Several huge transport vehicles loaded with people, likely prisoners. They are singing Christmas songs keeping up appearance, so morale seems high.”
...
“Yet another army has marched by, this one called Salvation. I suspect a trick.”
...
“The next truck is designed for simply taking food from the crowd. Ruthless.”
...
“Oh my God a truck full of kids, a gymnastic group. God only knows where they are taking them. This is turning really ugly.”
...
“Its getting colder. I must find shelter. God be with you. Merry Christmas. Let’s buy a really big turkey this year. No matter what happens here tonight know that I love you...”
God bless you one and all and to all a good night or words to that effect...
“I see a motorcycle gang approaching on choppers...”
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