Shame and Loss of Face Amongst Asian Students

Shame and Loss of “Face” Amongst Asian Students

 

Recently, as a principal of a small private school catering to Asian students, I followed the daily ritual of greeting them each morning at the door as they arrived at school.  I thought this was a friendly way to embrace the day and have meaningful contact with my students as they began their own day.

However, likely my own fault, when I stayed at the door too long, I also greeted those who came in late, even though school started at nine I was lenient and didn’t direct anyone to the front desk, in the office, for a late pass until 9:15.  It was those students who first began to complain to their agents, who in turn complained to their parents and then to the owners of the school and finally to me as principal that I had shamed them by pointing out they had arrived to school late.  This reaction totally amazed me.  It placed the accountability for their truancy right at my feet.

I was facing what is termed the “Cult of Face” and it is one of the main cultural differences between China and North American culture.  I was quite familiar with the concept of shaming having actually lived and worked in both China and in Kuwait.  The Middle East and China are both regions where the “Cult of Face” is a significant part of the culture. 

In the Kuwait situation there is a double effect happening in the sense that much of personal fate is left to a higher power and that if something goes wrong in life people simply subscribe to the embracing concept of Inshallah, or God willing.  It takes all accountability out of the equation for any personal actions and at the same time in a shame-based society one can not accuse someone directly of a wrong doing, transgression, or short fall if it brings any measure of shame to the individual, family or extended family.  There are therefore layers of protection for personal actions with very little actual accountability or responsibility.

China is very similar to Kuwait and the Middle East in this regard, although there is no official religion, or “Inshallah”shield against mistakes or wrong doings they do have a few thousand years of Confucius thought and teachings that effectively instills the cultural understanding of respect, honor and social standing in terms of face in terms of either losing it or gaining it.  For Westerners the concept of shame as it relates to Face is difficult to grasp even the Chinese have difficulty defining it, yet it remains one of the most delicate instruments by which Chinese social interaction is regulated on a daily basis.  Face translates best to words such as pride, dignity and prestige and relates very closely to the Arab sense of honor in their shame-based society.  The two are parallel.

In Western society, to give some perspective, we aresignificantly more individualistic.  Much of American historyfor example, is based on conquering the frontier associated withthe worth and value of the cowboy the iconic individual.  Capitalism itself is based on the premise of Darwinian evolution of the strong surviving over the weak, there is little sense of common good.  There is a distinct dichotomy which exists between a shame based Asian culture founded on family and common good and Western culture based on individualism, competition and self-achievement in a competitive world.  Western cultures much more define themselves on the basis ofindependence and self-reliance, while in 4000 years, Chinese culture has downplayed the concept of the individual by emphasizing the supremacy of the family and the group.

 

Confucius taught that if you lead people “with excellence and put them in their place through roles and ritual practices, in addition to developing a sense of shame, they will order themselves harmoniously.”

Through the teaching of Confucius, China developed into a shame-based society and as a consequence of this seems to self-regulate.  When I lived in China and given the huge population centers such as Shanghai where I spent a lot of time, I didn’twitness a large police presence.  Shanghai, during the national holiday had soldiers managing traffic, but given the large numbers of citizens, in the tens of millions, I found it extremely orderly.  The numbers of people to me were staggering and I frequently found myself taking refuge in western style cafésalong the Bund, but there was order and harmony.  I attribute this to a large measure of self- regulation, one small example I know.

In working with Chinese, in China, I soon discovered how face and shame were integrated into everyday life, as my co-workerswould say things and promise things with a bow and a smile that I soon discovered they had absolutely no intention of following up on, or even acknowledging that they had promised to do.  I discovered that generally speaking, the Chinese I worked with behaved properly and politely generally to avoid shame and the fear of losing face in front of me and not necessarily because they might feel badly about not following through on their promises.  At first it was an enigma that eventually became predictable.  I realized eventually that anything goes …as long as you don’t get caught.  To avoid losing face one can agree to anything even if you don’t stand behind it or believe in it, or have any intention of follow through.  The trick for the Westerner is not to call the person on their promise.

For example, the staffroom in the school where I was principal in Jinhua, China was poorly constructed.  The cement slab that the structure was built upon was cracked and the room sloped at odd angles in various locations, The curtains acted as a plump line to show the angle of the slope, the walls relative to the floor.  I pointed all of these structural flaws out to the right people many times and got what I now call the “Chinese Nod: Yes, they agree, I was right, it must be fixed.  To this day I don’t believe that room was ever fixed, in fact I believe they abandoned the staffroom after I left and relocated the next principal and his teachers to an alternative staffroom. I often wonder, had I caused them shame for the shoddy construction, was I too forceful in my western ways.  I suspect I was, but only understood upon later reflection, as I worked in my next four Chinese schools and gained some further insight into the intricate mechanisms of shame.

In the West our honour or Face is related more to our personal integrity, we face problems more directly with our facts and figures.  We then take charge and pursue a course of action andtake responsibility for those actions while setting our plan in motion.  In short, we are more direct and action centered. Chinese action plans on the other hand are more based on situational ethics, shame avoidance and no real sense of good or bad because of the situational aspect of problem solving. Their approach to crisis or problem solving raises the ugly specter of lying to protect face.  In Chinese culture it is perfectly acceptable to tell a lie if in the end it serves to safe face, the greater goal.  Lies are not right or wrong they are simply situational, like the smile and nod I will fix your staffroom.  

The goal of the Chinese truth is to save face with the expectation that whoever is on the receiving end should have the skills to read between the lines for the real message.  Open confrontation is to be avoided at all costs and practitioners of situational ethical lies will use all manner of denials and feign ignorance in the pursuit of saving face.  

When I was travelling in Xian, home of the Terra Cota Warriors,the city was totally shrouded in smog.  I made reference to that fact to our guide who corrected me and informed me that it was only fog.  We toured for the entire day and upon returning to the airport at the end of the day I pointed out that the fog had neverlifted.  I as a stupid Westerner again had pushed too far as I was supposed to read between the lines and know what the guide was saying.  We each knew the air was full of pollution.  A westerner like me would say it, my Chinese guide would have you read between the lines in order to save face.  My actions were likely viewed as rude and cruel.

Back to my own school a situation in which East meets West I find that students frequently use the shame-card to avoid responsibilities.  Just to touch base with the Canadian Public school system where I have found students are more outlandish and know their rights and spout their rights and often are disrespectful of teachers and in turn enabled by parents.  This of course is a generalization, but also a dis-functional model.  I am in no way saying the Western model of strong individualism and in-your-face rights is a better approach.  I am saying that as an administrator I have to be aware of the differences between Asian culture and Western culture and the differences are not always subtle.

Even in my grad speech this year I referenced the Shame based culture of China and cautioned students to also be aware of it and not to use it as a mechanism to escape their responsibilities or to avoid seeking help as often as asking for help causes shame as it is can be construed as a sign of weakness.  Generally, I think that Chinese students avoid any situation in which others perceive them making mistakes, including incorrect pronunciation and word skills. 

The thin skin of the Chinese culture is a product of centuries of harmony based on face and the avoidance of criticism.  While in Western culture in this regard many of these so-called offences seem minor in the grand scheme of things and are quickly forgotten, while in China and with Chinese students in particular failing to factor in Face can cause serious repercussions.

As an educator it seems that my Asian students with their shame based hyper-sensitivity as a back drop to their learning, one has to approach them as if avoiding a motion sensor.  One of my teachers caught two students cheating with the use of cell phones on two different tests on the same day.  Each student, although caught, denied guilt, denied knowing the policy about cell phones, then indicated it was an unfair rule, got angry and at no point took any responsibility.  It was like watching the stages of grief played out in several minutes.  To me it showed yet another example of how avoidance of truth supersedes truth itself, all in the avoidance of shame.

 

For Asian students studying in North America their cult of shame and Face for them is like hitting our brick wall of overt individuality.  If the two cultures are to intersect in politics, economics and academic settings we must be aware of these realities.  Westerners must interpret the “smiles and nods” thenread between the lines for the “truth” in the messages, while Asian students need to have a heightened awareness of the dysfunctionality of shame in a Western culture.  Each culture requires a certain level of sensitivity toward the other or as our worlds intertwine all the more there will only be greaterfrustration and misunderstanding.

 

…a person lives by face as much as a tree lives by bark