Fox News Studio Audience...

Fox News

My wife and I were strolling through Times Square looking for the restaurant used as a set in Sienfeld.  We were moving slowly through the crowds and actually stopping at intersections while suffering the contemputous stares and comments from the locals who walked across any busy street, latte in hand, ear buds connected without missing a beat.  A lull in the movement of pedestrians allowed a young girl clutching a clip board to approach me and ask, “Would you like to be part of a live studio audience?”

I was taken off guard and stammered, “Sure…what studio audience would that be?”

“We are shooting a segment for Fox News to be aired later this morning.”

I never personally watch Fox news as it is diametrically opposite to the Rachael Maddow show on MSNBC that I do watch religiously each evening at 9:00.  Although, I don’t recognize Fox as a source of real News I thought this opportunity to be in their studio audience could not be missed.  I readily agreed and the clipborad girl made an annotation on her board and a second partner, whom I had not noticed earlier, stepped forward to escort us to the studio where the fun and games were to commence.  

We began a multi-faceted screening process beginning with a basic questionnaire.  We were immediately led to a long subterrainian hallway where about twenty other potential guests were already busy filling in the questionnaire.

I think the purpose of this phase one was simply the broad strokes screening to filter out any home grown terroists, Democrats and Rachael Maddow fans.  I was alert to the dangers of being eliminated via this process early on and was therefore ready to lie through my teeth, betray my values and realign my political affiliations in order to hurdle their barriers, as now I decided I really wanted to reach the goal of sitting in their studio audience.

Questions were more a check list.  Which of the following pro -American groups, activities and/or policies and programs do you support.  Please check more than one.

-Tea Party (if so are you a member?)  (would you like to join?)

-Tighter immigration controls on refugees and Immigrants

-Building a wall with Mexico

-Drone technology, general bombing and spy methodologies against Terrorists

-Terrorist internment (with torture) in Guantanamo

-Dismantling of Obamacare

- North Korea is a threat to the American way of Life  T or F

-Sons of Anarchy (trick question, maybe?)

-Do you have a criminal record

-Do you support the recent Cruise missile solution in Syria

…and the list went on.  I checked off everything totally betraying my own values for the purpose of getting on the show.  

On one item I did not compromise, which was a near deal changer.  When asked what State I was from I wrote…  Canada!

The "Canada" response of course, without answering futher questions, labelled me as potentially dangerous, a disident, a trouble maker in a peace-making-kind-of way.   Liberal minded Canadians generally support gun control, high standards of public education, universal health care and are riddled with humanitarian socialists tendancies making them a general nusance to the American way of life.  Some  Americans think health care is not a right, often carry guns, and think well educated people are social deviants. From a Fox News perspective our value as an audience member would be reduced by the very nature of our Canadianism.

I handed my clipboard back to a young intern, who audibly made a gunteral sound after scanning our responses.

However, we were premitted to round two, like double jeapardy with a tougher round of questions, but following the same theme as the first batch… we under went a mini-interview in which, no surprise, our Canadian content was mentioned but seemingly ignored.

Based on our informed consent and the content analysis of our subversive questinnaire answers we had been accepted and assigned a pair of seats stage right on the outer fringe of the audience where no scanning camera lens would ever find us.  There were possibly 150 people in a U shaped seating arrangement around a stage where the desks were set up for the hosts and their guests.  This all skirted by three cameras.

In the next stage those in the accepted multitude would be further grilled and their seats rearranged further. I was wondering about the people who had been rejected, probably any one from the banned 7 muslim countries and citizens of New Hampshire, Vermont and California.  I envisioned their bodies in an alley way.

First, as a audience “warm up” activity an energetic ADD personality type, cheer leading-like young man came forward to tell us a little about the process, the show, some of the themes and topics for the day, told us a few jokes and generally made us feel at home in the Fox Family.  It really worked.  People were relaxed and talking.  In was after all an environment of  mutual trust and honesty.

Next came a woman, but not one of the regualar show hosts, who asked questions of the group at large, but were really intended for those selected in the front and center seats.  These people clearly were not Canadian, had likely voted Trump, may be “carrying” and likely had answered all questions according to the party line.   

“Okay, audience, here’s a possible audience participation topic.  What are your thoughts on this?  Just raise your hand after I read this next sentence.”

“America is and always will be the greatest nation on Earth.”

The hands rocketed skyward, as I held back a choking sensation and bit my tongue simultaneously. 

The answers ranged from: “We are and always have been a generous, noble and honourable people…”

“We believe in the common man, the heartland farmer or the soldier on the front line fighting for our liberty…”

We are great because of our religious fortitude and tolerance.   We have divine guidance and strong leadership…”
"
Our tele-evangelists are chosen people and walk the path of righteousness."

“We feed the world’s hungry, helping the weak and cary the banner of democracy to the world…”

More questions followed on specific issues current to the Trump administration.

“I believe Trump has followed through on his promises.  He’s just ticking them off one by one.”

“His ban on immigrants and his war on terorism is what we should be doing. He is keeping us all safe."

"Pulling us out of the Paris Accords shows the rest of the world that America comes first."

"He's all about jobs and the common man, as a successful billionaire business man married to a super model he understands their needs."

People answering in this vane were relocated to central seating and asked, “If you are asked that or a similar question when we go live could you give the same answer?”

“Oh, sure. I’d be glad to!”

Generally people were thrilled for the attention, like a teacher had selected them as the favourite.

I could see how the live show would eventually play out.  We had been screened and filtered and sat according to our values and the quality of our answers.  Being Canadian, I was never in the the game.  Those front and center were ready to give their impromtu answers when cued and show how the common man satistically supports the current administration. 

There was nothing spontaneous about the show beause when the host went to the TV audience for “random” responses to specific pre-arranged questions they already knew what answer they would get and where these people were seating.  Everyone was primed and ready to go.

“Let’s just get the feel of our audiece members today. You sir…I see your hand.”

“Do you feel the Trump administration is a well oiled machine?”

Is this fake news?

Is the media rigged

My biggest upset for the day was that I had been identified as an American tourist when invited on the show.

"Piss me off, eh!"