Cutting

Screaming at a Brick Wall

I could start with why my daughters cut themselves, or put up with abusive relations. My youngest daughter is forgiving her boy friend for abandoning her in a vacant parking lot late at night while he went off for a joy ride with his friend Mathew.  When they came back for E___ they were pissed at her for her lack of “sportsmenship” or whatever the female equivalent would be.  The kid, the jackass boy friend, is a dick, but my daughter forgave him because she is use to being abused, controlled and directed.  Her emotions are programmed into her. She can not act of her own free will.  So she puts up with shit and forgives.  She cares that little for herself. 

I can tell her don’t date the ass, or don’t give your mom the password to your bank accounts, or just eat the fucking dinner without purging yourself or dosing with laxatives, but that would be too simple and since her course is set, a waste of time, there is no guard rail that can stop her. 

I have a daughter who gains pleasure by cutting herself on the inside of her thigh with a hacksaw blade.  I saw the cut, or at least the scars, deep and brooding.  I had to look away, cry, vomit or maybe scream at a brick wall. I don’t think it would change anything.